Marriage and Friendship

I stumbled across this old blog I had written and never hit POST! This was about a year ago still good thoughts.....hope you'll enjoy the read............

{written in April 2016}

Last month we turned 8 years old!
Well our marriage did, we are proudly 30 something year olds.
I was contemplating how last year was the "seven year mark" and by that point a couple should
have mastered a ton of different skills, right? They say that the seventh year is the hardest BUT it was actually pretty phenomenal. A lot of things shifted in our favor. We paid off some debts, had a few great vacations and we then got to take a dream vacation with just our little family of 3 where we traveled across the West Coast and stopped in a different city every day. Just a few weeks after that we learned we were expecting baby #2! Then I left my job to be a full-time fitness coach and in December we moved to Florida. If you had told me all that would happen in 2015 I would have really doubted you BUT with God so much is made possible.


This year has been even better thus-far. We've been able to pay off more debts. My husband has a job he absolutely loves and we are about to welcome our baby girl into our family. Our 3 year old is as smart, caring and amazing as can be. I know that so much more is to come, 2016 will be a SUPERNATURAL year for us! I am so confident of this because it has already been promised to us. I believe that our influence in the christian community will reach new heights. I believe that we have been set apart to set up a future for the kingdom of God by undergoing transformation in ourselves. I am in no way trying to boast or brag but my spirit is in such a state of excitement i can't contain it.

What we believe we speak, what we speak we do and what we do becomes who we are. What we are speaks to others. My husband and i have always set out to do God's will above our own. We have had times of plenty and times of lack. we have come to realize the ugly parts of us that need change and a touch of God. We have struggled and we have been triumphant. We have gone through seasons of having pennies in our bank account and seasons of thousands in the
bank and none of which has given me more security than the other. If I'm being honest I'd rather have little money in the bank but lots of faith in God because He always amazes us and comes through for us. One of our dreams is to live on 50% of our income and give away the other 50%. i believe we have been blessed to be a blessing. Nothing is "ours" it's only been lent to us in order to see how we will manage it. I believe this will be our year of giving back and giving away.
by God's marvelous grace.

 

After this many years of marriage I feel I can share some tips of what we should have learned by now:
#1 -we learn to deal with our spouse, how to conduct ourselves, in essence we become better spouses
#2- we learn to speak how we feel in honesty without trying to hold back for fear of our spouses feelings (sometimes it works against us too ;)
#3- we talk it out more instead of wishing the problem away
#4- through our discussions we grow in understanding and speaking to our spouse
#5- our "love letters/love notes" to our spouse are much more specific and meaningful
#6- understanding and communication when wrong choices are made.....LOL! has any wife out there spent a little too much money and worried about the consequences or talk from our spouse? yea, thought so!
#7- by this time we definitely have a routine in our day to day activities, especially by having kids at this time every moment has to be structured
#8- we definitely learn the need for our own "me time" or personal time to come back with your head in the game
#9- we learn each other better
#10- we learn that no matter how much we fuss, fight or frustrate each other we just can't live without one another and you see how your lives have literally become ONE!


8 years truly is just the beginning of a thriving future. Here's a few things i have learned that will help you continue to learn, grow & be content with your spouse:

  • we should never get married to be happy. that is dooms day waiting to happen.
  • when a problem arises don't wait for your spouse to fix themselves or fix "it". instead you must focus on working on Y O U.
  • there's always something to be learned from a disagreement.
  • changing your spouse is impossible, the moment we realize that truth is the moment we are released of much stress and unnecessary pain.
  • having an attitude of gratitude will take your marriage to new heights.
  • say "i love you" & kiss daily.
  • speak positivity into the life of your mate if you want to keep them forever.
  • choose to understand (that means listening first) instead of blaming.
  • if you scramble the letters in the word (L I S T E N) they spell SILENT, so be quick to listen and slow to speak.
  • use your words edify instead of tear down, chances are that your spouse knows most of their flaws, don't be so quick to point them out.
  • say what you want, speak into existence that which you want to see happen because what you speak becomes what you believe and what you believe becomes what you will see.
  • a love that lasts and grows stronger together begins by becoming a team, a partnership so look at your spouse as your teammate rather than an opposing team member.
  • be clear about what you want and don't want, what you like and don't like. don't assume your spouse should know.
  • in moments of high stress and hard times it's ok to take a step back analyze the situation on your own then put your heads together and make a game plan to kick that problem to the curb.

Love never fails.....